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CCC is about being human. It’s about you choosing to prioritise your well being, putting the time to strengthen your resilience to adversity and being part of a community that holds you accountable and offers support when the going gets tough. Our podcasts bring expert insight and real experiences together for you to enjoy and learn what it is that makes us human and how to work with it.
Episodes
Friday Jun 23, 2023
037: Living with Endometriosis with Sandra Lewin
Friday Jun 23, 2023
Friday Jun 23, 2023
What is Endometriosis and how does it manifest? Why is it so important to broaden the national conversation about this debilitating condition? What can you do if you think you may be a sufferer?
For an episode 18 months in the making, we’re thrilled to welcome insurance business founder and keynote speaker Sandra Lewin back to the Coffee, Calm & Connection podcast! In this episode, Sandra discusses her experience of living with Endometriosis, from years of suffering with the condition before her eventual diagnosis and lifechanging surgery. In an open, frank and inspiring conversation with Sarah Myerscough, she explains the symptoms of Endometriosis and the debilitating impact it can have on one’s daily life. Listen now to find out more about this lamentably undiscussed condition and to help us raise awareness!
Quote of the Episode
“I consider myself very lucky. I never knew you could live like this. [People] did not realise how much pain I used to live in. So, my story, I’d say, is very positive. But for many women it is not positive. Many women suffer in silence, [and] many women don't even know they have it. And once they do know, they have no way of getting the right treatment.”
After years of enduring the physical torment of Endometriosis without a diagnosis, when Sandra finally received surgical treatment, her life was changed irrevocably. For years she had been deprived of so many basic things many of us accept as standard, from a decent amount of uninterrupted sleep each night to being able to go about one’s day for long periods without a constant need to use the bathroom. Yet, one in ten women suffer from endometriosis, and a considerable amount of them are yet to even be diagnosed with the condition. It takes, on average, eight years before a woman is diagnosed with the condition due to its complexity, leaving so many women to suffer without any significant forms of treatment.
Key Takeaways
Endometriosis is where tissue similar to that within one’s womb grows in other areas of the body. It is most commonly associated with painful periods, although this can lead it to be confused with another condition, adenomyosis (when womb tissue grows outside of the womb). The condition is also often misdiagnosed as IBS, as both conditions are accompanied by digestion issues. Sufferers may also endure severe mood swings which can lead to depressive episodes, alongside fertility issues and painful intercourse.
While it is often understood only as a form of extensive period pain, it is much more than that. When you have your period, the tissue breaks down and is released through bleeding. With Endometriosis, this same tissue is trapped in other areas of the body. It also eventually breaks down and bleeds, but it has nowhere to escape. In the long term, this can create tumours and lead to cancer (although there is not yet sufficient medical evidence to explain how this transition occurs).
Due to its complexity and the ease with which it can be misdiagnosed, many women suffer with Endometriosis without even knowing it, or alternatively continue to suffer for extensive periods without receiving a formal diagnosis, and thus no treatment. The impact on one’s day to day life is considerable, and the dual brunt of this physical pain and the mental anguish of being denied a diagnosis is woeful. Many women suffer in silence, and therefore it is crucial that the national conversation about Endometriosis is changed, and that people become more aware about exactly what it is and how it affects those who suffer from it.
Sandra offers four key pieces of advice to those who think they may have Endometriosis:
- Trust your body – if you are hurting in the ways described above, trust your judgement.
- Find a community – there are plenty of endo-sisters spread across the country and globally, who share resources and support.
- Identify the care that is most suitable for you. Every woman is different, and every woman suffers differently from this condition. The right thing for someone else might not be right for you.
- Look for Endometriosis specialists who can offer bespoke care for this condition.
Sandra is happy for anyone who thinks they may be suffering to reach out to her for support.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“The laparoscopy is important to really diagnose it. But try and look for a doctor that does the scans first to really build that picture of where it is.”
“On average, it takes eight years for a woman to be diagnosed with endometriosis. And most women, by the time they get diagnosed, are so mentally drained by this and feel like they are absolutely crazy.”
“I couldn't walk, I couldn't function, I couldn't really get out of bed. It was really tough. I was a broker, and being a broker […] is all about being on your feet and I really couldn’t. I was taking droves of painkillers but then your brain basically switches off. So, I looked to a nutritionist, and we'd done a lot of work on my nutrition because I was told I had IBS. She said, ‘There's something else,’ and she goes, ‘Have you heard of this thing, endometriosis?’”
“The first thing I always say to everyone is don't give up. Trust your body, and if it's hurting, and if it's saying to you, ‘There's something wrong’, and it’s not IBS, trust it. I know it's hard because you are in pain. And everyone is telling you, ‘You're crazy and you're not feeling that pain’. Trust your feeling; really tune in with your body.”
Resources
Endometriosis UK: https://www.endometriosis-uk.org/
About the Guest
Sandra Lewin is the founder of InsurSocial, an agency offering social media management solutions for the insurance industry.
Sandra’s LinkedIn Profile: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/sandralewin
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection: Overview | LinkedIn
Sarah Myerscough | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Friday Jun 02, 2023
036: Accepting What We Can and Cannot Change with Stuart Thompson
Friday Jun 02, 2023
Friday Jun 02, 2023
Do you find yourself constantly chasing ‘success’? Do you feel a desire for control over everything that you do? Is it possible to outstep your own thought processes, and if so, how?
We’re thrilled to welcome back anxiety specialist Stuart Thompson for the latest episode of the Coffee, Calm & Connection podcast! In this episode, he explores the prevalent societal desire for control over everything within one’s life, and the damaging consequences of such a mindset. Furthermore, in conversation with Sarah Myerscough, he discusses how the cultural zeitgeist of ‘success’ has been corrupted by superficial ideals, and the importance of prioritizing your personal development.
Quote of the Episode
“I'm always suspicious of people that write five-year and ten-year plans. I'm certainly not where I expected to be five years ago. In fact, I'm doing something completely different most days now to what I thought I'd be doing five years ago. Actually, even since Christmas, my plan has changed. I'm doing different stuff to what I thought I would be doing. Those five-year plans and ten- year plans do feel a bit controlled. If you look at most people that are successful… an awful lot of it was luck.”
Stuart is suspicious of five-year plans as a strategy for achieving your goals. He suggests that these plans are rooted in the projection both outwardly and inwardly of a sense of control over your life that does not, and cannot, really exist. It is impossible to outline five or ten years of your life, and the assumption that you can do so is the result of a desire for control which is both unachievable and unhealthy. Furthermore, these long-term plans feed into a broader cultural narrative about success; namely that anything is achievable with the right amount of hard work. In reality, things can and do go wrong. External factors get in the way of your plans. Buying into this success narrative can be hugely detrimental to your personal wellbeing, as it can lead to the belief that any roadblocks to your success are your own fault, and that you can only be happy when you have reached an arbitrary, superficial benchmark of ‘success’ that will not really bring you contentment.
Key Takeaways
Everyone wishes to assert a degree of control over their lives. However, this need for control over everything can be damaging to us, because it is derived from a fiction that everything and anything is within our grasp. Stuart emphasises that a great deal of our stress and dissatisfaction is the result of attempting to exert control over things we cannot change. If and when such things go awry, we may feel that pain personally, as though it were a direct result of our own actions.
You can try to micromanage your life by making meticulous plans, setting numerous goals, following predetermined strategies, but as long as you hang the pressure of external factors you cannot control or change over your head, your stress will not stabilise. Trying to be overly regimented merely lulls yourself into the misguided belief that you can control everything. This mindset is a security blanket, but it can become harmful when you are presented with curveballs or unexpected scenarios.
If, like many people, you have a mindset driven by the achievement of goals, is it possible to address and change that? Is your subconscious belief system malleable? For Stuart, this process must begin by reflecting on what exactly you are chasing via these goals and plans, and to what end you are chasing it. Otherwise, it can become really difficult to feel content. ‘Success’ on a superficial, goal-oriented basis always slides. Once you have achieved one thing, you will simply move onto the next. Instead, you should consider, what do you really want to get out of things? What fulfilment will those things bring to your life? For the most part, fulfilment is not achieved with money or power, but achieving a connection with others.
Thus, to begin to change your mindset, ask yourself ‘am I okay’? Furthermore, treat yourself with the same kindness that you would other people. If you can’t do that, that must be the first mission in your personal development.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“I think, in the 90s, this concept of goals and targets and outcomes became very fashionable. But actually, they owe more to evangelical religious beliefs than they do to personal development. They're really very much focused on ‘achieve your goals, hit your outcomes’, but there isn't much personal development science behind that. There's much more about guilting yourself into success.”
“Happiness isn't in the goal. It's in the striving towards the goal. It's in doing the activity, it's in doing the thing you enjoy. But we've been sold, I think, a marketer's dream, that we've all got to retire at 30. And that, if we've not achieved that, we're failing a little bit. But actually, most people don't get that. Most people don't achieve that. It's just a very, very wonky metric, but it's become very much our culture.”
“Read a few less self-help books. Because they tend to be written by people that want to sell books, not necessarily people that want to make a massive difference.”
Resources
https://www.stuartthompson.co.uk/
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
About the Guest
Stuart Thompson is an anxiety specialist, and started his career working as a social worker. He has been a therapist in private practice for 20 years. Stuart is the creator of The STILL Method: a system designed to help both children and adults overcome anxiety. Stuart leads a team of around 50 anxiety coaches working in schools in the UK, USA, and Australia. In 2019, Stuart was recognised one of the most influential disabled people in the UK.
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
(9) Coffee Calm & Connection: Overview | LinkedIn
(9) Sarah Myerscough | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Friday May 12, 2023
035: Turn Your Magic On with Alistair Fraser
Friday May 12, 2023
Friday May 12, 2023
How do you maintain good mental wellbeing when the going gets tough? Is there any way to prepare for unexpected bumps in the road?
In this episode of Coffee, Calm & Connection, we’re very pleased to be speaking with Alistair Fraser, CEO of Marsh Commercial & Corporate UK. Having faced some health challenges in 2022, in this episode, Alistair reflects on how to remain good mental wellbeing despite an awareness that unexpected obstacles may be right around the corner. In conversation with Sarah Myerscough, he highlights the importance of recognising that you are human, and outlines some strategies for dealing with periods of stress, anxiety, and low mood.
Quote of the Episode
“Be human. I think perfection doesn't exist. And I am the worst at going, ‘I want to be perfect at everything.’ I'm my own worst enemy. But [perfection] doesn't exist. You're going to be great at different things at different times. And life is going to be great in different ways at different times.”
Many of us place a great deal of pressure on ourselves, be it at work or in our personal lives, to achieve perfection. Such a mindset will almost inevitably lead to disappointment, as, Alistair highlights, human perfection is utterly unattainable. There will be imperfections in everything you do and every situation you encounter. For Alistair, it is key to recognise that you’re not guaranteed tomorrow, and to keep your mind focused on the present. What can you do to make today the best it can be? In doing so, even when things do go wrong, you will still be able to reflect on the efforts you made to make positive progress.
Key Takeaways
Throughout the episode, Alistair emphasises the fact that you will always face pockets of stress throughout your life, and encounter unanticipated obstacles that may throw you off-course. A key means of dealing with this and overcoming these issues is to share your feelings with others. Building a strong support network, both in your personal life and in the workplace, is fundamental to maintaining a positive mindset, and keeping your feelings bottled up will only further elongate your stress or anxiety. As the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Furthermore, when you are dealing with certain situations, be it a challenge to your health, or bereavement, or a variety of different stressors, it is key to recognise that sometimes you need a break. Taking an hour, or even a day, for yourself, to reflect on what you are going through or to do the activities you enjoy, can be hugely beneficial to your wellbeing.
As much as we may want it to be, and as much as people pretend it to be on social media, life is never perfect. Bad things happen, and often quite regularly. Recognising and acknowledging this can be quite challenging, but for Alistair, it is key to note that you can deal with this, but ‘everyone has to find their mechanism to deal with it’. For him, playing hockey, doing jigsaws and occasionally lying on his floor are powerful strategies for decompressing and reducing his stress levels. He argues that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to mental wellbeing. Through trial-and-error, you have to find what works for you. For Alistair, just as exercise is required to become physically fitter, we also need to stretch the muscle of mental wellness, which requires identifying and applying whichever practice is most suitable to your life and needs.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“It's been a great year of learning, for me, about myself about the challenges around ensuring you have mental wellness. I don't particularly like the phrase ‘mental illness’. I think it's about looking after our mental wellness, and that will fluctuate depending on things. And then having that realisation that you're a human.”
“I think you have to realise that you're going to have pockets of stress. A problem shared is a problem halved. It's true. And sometimes it's either because people can give you advice on it, can empathise with you, or can actually just say ‘Yeah, don't worry about it’.”
“For me, it's that constant realisation and I kind of understanding that life isn't perfect. As much as we want it to be. Stuff’s gonna happen. And you can deal with it. Everyone can deal with it. But everyone has to find their mechanism to deal with it.”
“I'm very proud of the business I lead. And I want us to be successful. But it's only successful if we've got happy, healthy, motivated colleagues in it. And at any given time, you know, when I've got two-and-a-half thousand colleagues, some of those colleagues will be having a bad day. And if you treat them with kindness, when they come back to the work tomorrow, or next week, they'll be happier, there'll be more motivated, which is good for the business.”
Resources
https://www.marshcommercial.co.uk/
About the Guest
Alistair Fraser is the CEO of Marsh Commercial & Corporate UK, a business with 49 locations and over 2,600 colleagues. He has over 25 years’ experience in the insurance industry and has worked in various roles within Marsh for 15 years.
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection: Overview | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Friday May 05, 2023
034: Confronting Curveballs with Stuart Thompson
Friday May 05, 2023
Friday May 05, 2023
Welcome back to the Coffee, Calm & Connection podcast!
How do we maintain good mental wellbeing in the aftermath of challenging or traumatic events? How do we reckon with the curveballs that may be round the corner?
In January of 2022, our Sarah suffered from a stroke. Fortunately, she has made significant strides in her recovery, and so one year later, in this episode she and Coffee, Calm & Connection co-founder Stuart Thompson discuss how Sarah’s stroke has affected her wellbeing, along with the changes to her perspective and the personal development that she has undergone since. Stuart and Sarah explore how, despite our best efforts to plan things meticulously, sometimes things simply do not go as expected. Circumstances beyond our control can, and often do, get in the way of our goals. How do you come to terms with and overcome these curveballs?
Quote of the Episode
“We surround ourselves with information and knowledge that matches our understanding of the world. I was reading about an American psychologist recently who had been criticised because they asked him what his 10 books beside his bed were. And one of them was a book that was quite right-wing. So, people had said, ‘Well, that must mean you've not actually got a more sensitive perspective, you're reading this right-wing book’. And he said, ‘I'm reading it, because I need to understand that perspective’. But as we get older, we do it anyway. The internet and data allows us to just do things that confirm what we believe and never, never challenge it.”
In the episode, Stuart highlights the importance of becoming open to other perspectives in relation to one’s wellbeing. It is easy to operate within an echo chamber of self-doubt and self-criticism, and to try to search for solutions within your own headspace, but it can be hugely beneficial to turn to alternative approaches to wellbeing in order to make significant progress. The importance of exploring multiple points of view is true of everything, of course, and wellbeing is no exception. Your own mindset can feel like a very interior thing that nobody else is capable of understanding, leading to the view that no external input is worth listening to, but finding new ways of thinking about it and overcoming problems can be highly insightful and instrumental to one’s personal growth.
Key Takeaways
In the episode, Stuart pinpoints the psychological concept of ontological grief. This occurs when one’s view of oneself, and thus of the world around them, is fundamentally challenged. If something happens to you that you couldn’t have predicted, or if you act in a way that you didn’t think yourself capable of, it can shatter your self-image. There are many ways of coping with this phenomenon.
For Stuart, when bad things happen, it is key not to retreat into self-preserving beliefs that may be more harmful than beneficial, but to become open to alternative perspectives. Perhaps you need to put less pressure on yourself, or to set fewer goals. It’s easy and natural to try to search for solutions to your wellness problems within your own headspace, but sometimes turning to alternative perspectives can be helpful.
Stuart pinpoints the psychological phenomenon of Pollyanna Syndrome, which refers to a children’s story about a little girl who was told that, however bad you feel, there’s always somebody worse off. It’s true – many of us do live objectively easier lives than others – we do not all suffer from poverty or malnourishment, for example. However, if you are undergoing some hardship, you shouldn’t minimise it, or dismiss it as insignificant compared to other traumas. It is key for one’s general wellbeing to accept when things go wrong that bad things can happen, and that it’s okay to grieve them or feel low about them, so long as you give yourself time and then move forwards.
Although it can be difficult to abstractedly recognise it, bad things can and do happen. That is something that, conceptually, we understand, but in practice, we do not necessarily truly believe until we are forced to believe it, until tragedy strikes, or hard curveballs come out of nowhere.
When such events do come to pass, acceptance of this fact can become immensely difficult. Yet, you can’t allow yourself to shut down completely because of what may or may not lie around the corner, otherwise you’d never advance towards your goals or make progress. Equally, it is damaging to try and maintain a sense of control over the bad things that happen to you by attributing them to some fault within yourself – e.g., not having enough drive, not working enough, not exercising enough – when really, there is no correlation between them.
For Stuart, the way to confront the revelation that anything can happen is to consider, ‘Is what I’m doing right now good enough?’ Beyond that, there’s not very much you can do. We shouldn’t run away from the prospect that bad things can happen, but accept it. In doing so, you shouldn’t put yourself under so much pressure. You should allow yourself time to breathe. And when bad things do happen, you should give yourself the time and space to process them.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“I think we've all fallen for that myth that everything is solvable, and we've just got to buy a solution that fixes everything. It's so much harder to accept that actually, this thing is going to take me ages. It's not shiny, it's not sellable. It’s to say, ‘I'm working on this project. And guess what? I'm not going to be a millionaire by next week. I'm not going to get four dragons invest in it. It's going to take me a long time and I'm gonna have to get there.’”
“I think one of the hardest things is to accept that bad stuff can happen. We tend to think well, ‘It's not gonna happen to me’ or ‘I won't think about what I would do if that happens’. And in a in a challenging way, you become the worst of Pandora's boxes, which says anything can happen at any time.”
“The stoics had a system where you should wake up every morning and just say that might happen today. That might happen today, and then move on and accept it. And I do think there's something in that of just saying, ‘Yeah, bad stuff can happen.’”
Resources
https://www.stuartthompson.co.uk/
About the Guest
Stuart Thompson is an anxiety specialist, and started his career working as a social worker. He has been a therapist in private practice for 20 years. Stuart is the creator of The STILL Method: a system designed to help both children and adults overcome anxiety. Stuart leads a team of around 50 anxiety coaches working in schools in the UK, USA, and Australia. In 2019, Stuart was recognised one of the most influential disabled people in the UK.
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection: Overview | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Wednesday Feb 16, 2022
033: You Can’t Outperform Your Own Self-Belief with Coach Sam Cleaver
Wednesday Feb 16, 2022
Wednesday Feb 16, 2022
The correlation between physical health and mental wellbeing is well-documented and scientifically proven. The improvement of one is inextricably bound up with the improvement of the other, and if one begins to dip, inevitably, so will the other. We often tend to believe that we are unable to improve our physical wellness as our bodies are simply incapable of the goals we are aspiring towards. However, precision coach Sam Cleaver suggests that most of what is holding you back physically is in fact mental roadblocks. In this episode, we’re thrilled to be speaking with Sam about his ‘wholistic’ approach to health and fitness. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, he elucidates how every aspect of our lives is interconnected in the journey to improving overall wellbeing.
Are you aiming to improve your physical (and by extension, mental) health? Are you trapped in a cycle of maintaining your fitness without seeing any wellbeing benefits from it? Listen now to find out how to optimize your body and in turn, your life.
Quote of the Episode
“You cannot outperform your belief of self… Everyone tells me, ‘I want to lose weight’, ‘I want to be optimised’, and all this, but deep down, they don’t believe they can. The thing is, if you genuinely think that you’re never going to rise above that expectation.”
For Sam Cleaver, a fundamental aspect of the journey to improved physical health consists in a reorientation of one’s goals and beliefs. You will never achieve a health goal if, deep down, you don’t truly believe you are capable of it. Ultimately, it’s your internal belief system, rather than any supposed deficiencies you may perceive in your body, which hold you back and prevent you from adhering to and achieving your health goals. The curse of every health journey is self-sabotage. However, it is, of course, not enough simply to believe in yourself more without putting in place physical and mental strategies to facilitate this boosted self-belief. By implementing new behaviours and protocols pertaining to eating, sleeping and training, you will subsequently be able to (re)align your beliefs with the physical, mental, and emotional health goals you are aspiring towards.
Key Takeaways
During the episode, Sam notes that the discourse surrounding health and fitness is labyrinthine, difficult to navigate, and often self-contradictory. A key principle which often gets lost as we engage in a journey of physical improvement is that of ‘health’ itself. By focusing solely on a maintenance or improvement of fitness, you may not feel any satisfaction or benefits from this journey.
In order to curtail this, when embarking on a health journey you must consider what your fundamental values and incentives are. Your health journey will be entirely unique, just as your body is, and therefore, comparing yourself to others can only ever be restrictive. As everyone’s journey is different, you should first and foremost identify the priorities in your health that matter the most to you and focus on these rather than a generalised pursuit to ‘fitness’. Working with a fitness coach can be profoundly beneficial in identifying what these values and their correlating goals might be.
Once you have identified these values and goals, for Sam, you must subsequently evaluate your basic human routines – namely, your eating and sleeping patterns. This is the first step in the process he employs with all his clients. The brain is a pattern-creator. As such, he suggests that it is essential to create rigid eating and sleeping routines which you can stick to, thereby granting you a sense of focus and distinction between work and rest. It is only after an optimisation of eating and sleeping, the fundamental facets of our very survival, that you can begin to introduce the complexities of building emotional health and developing your mental state. Indeed, these will naturally be strengthened by a more rigid and scheduled approach to eating and sleep.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“When we look at this journey, what we would initially start on is get very clear on what you are actually after at the end of this, because nobody's looking to lose two dress sizes or drop a stone or two stone because of what the scale says. We’re often looking for something at the end: how do we want to feel?”
“This entire journey includes all the components of health, not just the mental and not just the physical, there's a lot more to it.”
“You do not need to become some little health guru… It's not about that. It's about finding whatever is applicable to you. Some things are non-negotiable because you need them right now… But some things are going to help you, but you may not necessarily fit them into your day easily.”
Resources
East Anglian Daily Times – Veteran’s bid to become Essex’s answer to Joe Wicks - https://www.eadt.co.uk/news/sam-cleaver-colchester-launches-health-and-fitness-firm-stoic-performance-2554368
Nuffield Health – What is aerobic vs anaerobic training? - https://www.nuffieldhealth.com/article/what-is-aerobic-vs-anaerobic-training
Journey to 100: How to Run Your First 100km Ultramarathon - and Love It by Nick Muxlow
Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy by Mo Gawdat, former Chief Business Officer at GoogleX
About the Guest
Sam Cleaver is a Precision Coach who works with thousands of professional women each year through seminars/webinars and workshops. He is an expert on female health and fitness and gives his tips and tricks in his Health First podcast. To contact Sam or find out more, visit his Linktree below.
Sam’s LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/company/coachsamcleaver
Sam’s Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachsamcleaver
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection | LinkedIn
Sarah Myerscough - Sales & Marketing Director - Boston Tullis | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Wednesday Feb 02, 2022
032: The power of listening with Robert from Samaritans
Wednesday Feb 02, 2022
Wednesday Feb 02, 2022
Have you ever opened up about your feelings and felt heard, but not listened to? Do you want to learn how to be a better listener in order to help others when they open up about their personal struggles?
In this episode, we’re very grateful to be speaking with Robert from the Manchester and Salford branch of Samaritans, a telephone helpline offering support to people who are struggling from emotional distress, mental health difficulties, or contemplating suicide. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, Robert elucidates the immense power of listening as the most fundamental tool for supporting people experiencing all forms of emotional anguish. He suggests that each and every one of us has the power to become part of the solution to tackling the mental health pandemic which has enveloped the nation and, indeed, the world, over the past decade, which has been particularly emboldened over the past two years. By striving to actively listen and giving people space to articulate their thoughts when discussing their struggles, we can actively make the world a better place.
Quote of the Episode
“As humans, we are meaning-seeking creatures. We're constantly looking to understand who we are, and how we fit into the world. We do that through language. But there's also something that's absolutely fundamentally healing and empowering: by feeling heard by another human being.”
Robert emphasises that, as social beings, we all derive a deep sense of fulfilment and connection through conversation with those we love and trust. He suggests that this is further emboldened when we endeavour to always actively listen to what someone is saying when they are expressing how they feel, rather than merely hearing the words. To create an environment in which someone can feel truly safe and empowered to express their feelings, we must create the space for them to speak freely and uninterrupted. In doing so, we can enable them to actively process whatever it may be that they are going through, emboldened by the presence of someone who is paying attention to and understanding every word they are saying.
Key Takeaways
When someone you love informs you of a troublesome experience they have undergone, or emotional difficulties they are experiencing, you may feel inclined to offer practical solutions to the issues they are raising. You might approach these difficult encounters with pre-prepared answers, with which you interject, to invite your loved one to stop feeling distressed, or sad, or anguished. In doing so, you are only hearing what this person is saying, and not truly listening to them.
In the episode, Robert lists the various issues which can arise from interrupting someone with these, albeit well-intentioned, interruptions:
- They can derail the person’s train of thought
- They can undercut what they have just said or are about to say
- They can swerve the direction of the conversation to avoid discussing anything that we may find uncomfortable
In order to avoid these pitfalls, you must understand that the purpose of this conversation is not to provide solutions or practical advice, but merely to assure the speaker that you are listening to them, understanding what they are saying, and by doing so assuring them that their feelings are valid. We all occasionally experience worries or troubles that we can’t yet fully comprehend, and it is only when we articulate them out loud that we understand what is truly going on within ourselves. As such, by creating an environment in which someone feels able to speak freely and uninterrupted, you are enabling them to say things they haven’t predetermined, which can often be profoundly enlightening for them.
It can sometimes be difficult to know what to do or say in these situations. They need not arouse panic or dread. The other person doesn’t need anything from you other than the comfort of divulging information to someone they trust, and the validation of receiving your full attention.
Robert notes that the most common complaint when someone has experienced a distressing situation or injustice is that ‘Nobody listened to me’. The feeling that often hurts the most is the belief that no one has listened to how you feel, or cares to listen. Therefore, giving your undivided attention to someone in distress, providing them the space to speak freely, and allowing silences in the conversation to breathe, can be the most powerful form of support you can offer.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“When we jump in with a fix, we're often thinking of a fix that would work for us. Because we're looking at the situation through the lens of our own experience.”
‘The most powerful part of the Samaritans’ listening style is the rule of silence.’
“One of the big things is silence and learning to use silence is really, really powerful… We often feel quite uncomfortable with silence, partly because we want to help you, we want to give advice. Silence is just a bit uncomfortable. But if we if we just sit with that discomfort for a while, then it does pay dividends, because the work is being done in the silence.”
“For Samaritans, listening is literally our only tool. We're talking to people, we've no idea who they are, where they are… we can't intervene, we can't enforce anything. All we can do is listen.”
‘It's never a mistake to ask somebody, ‘are you okay?’, and to stay around and listen for the answer.’
Resources
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman
Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/
If you need help or support, contact the Samaritans by calling 0800 116 123
About the Guest
Samaritans is a British charity offering emotional and mental health support to people across the UK and Ireland via a telephone helpline, which is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. The charity has 200 branches across the country, 20,000 volunteers, and answers around 10,000 calls every day.
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection | LinkedIn
Sarah Myerscough - Sales & Marketing Director - Boston Tullis | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Wednesday Jan 19, 2022
031: Sources of Stress with Brendan McManus
Wednesday Jan 19, 2022
Wednesday Jan 19, 2022
Are you concerned about how stress may be affecting your productivity, wellbeing, and relationships? Are you keen to relinquish the grip that stress holds over your everyday life?
In this episode, we’re thrilled to be speaking with Brendan McManus, CEO of PIB Insurance Brokers. Brendan is prolific within the insurance industry, having worked in the market for over 40 years in a range of successful companies. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, he shares wisdom about managing stress in both your career and relationships, offering methods to help you start improving your wellbeing today.
Quote of the Episode
“If ever you are feeling down, fed up, whatever, you’ve got to bust out of it. You've got to change the situation. And everybody can do that. Even if it's only changing your behaviour for a short period of time, and taking a risk with your behaviour.”
Our wellbeing is dominated by the behaviours with which we conduct our daily lives. Brendan McManus suggests that these behaviours are not always productive or beneficial, and can have a detrimental effect on us, proliferating the effects of stress, if we fail to challenge them sufficiently. Such behaviours can not only negatively impact ourselves, but those we love. Indeed, for many of us, a greater source of stress is derived from our relationships than from work. To counteract this, you should endeavour to understand yourself more deeply. This can be achieved by engaging in mindful practices, such as the 5-minute daily exercises offered by Coffee Calm & Connection’s packages. This will enable you to reorient your habits and gradually adjust your behaviours in a manner which is beneficial both for your own wellbeing and for the strength of your relationships with others.
Key Takeaways
In being determined and driven, you need to be able to acknowledge and accept responsibility for your own success or failure. A good way to deal with this is by planning. However, if you are a temporary planner, and you find yourself running out of a plan, or that your plan is not working, you may feel deeply disappointed. For Brendan, you must simply acknowledge how you can rework, or perhaps even entirely overhaul your plan into something that can and will succeed for you and your business, and begin working towards it.
When our plans are forced to change, as was the case throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, we should not consider ourselves as being personally affronted or denied something. This pandemic affects everyone; you are not unique in the struggles it has brought upon you, although some people have unfortunately been affected more directly than others. In the circumstances brought about by the pandemic, and the associated uncertainty it brings, it can often be easy to lose sight of this bigger picture.
Stress is derived from the feeling of a lack of control. Never has this sentiment been more bluntly realised than in the past two years. As the pandemic winds down, eventually, other stressors will emerge. Making small changes in your life to improve your situation, from exercising more regularly, to engaging with the activities you enjoy more frequently in order to reorient your work-life balance, can improve your ability to manage stress. By actively seeking to change your situation, you can more easily retake control of it.
Stress is a spectrum. Some people have been deeply affected by the pandemic, suffering from grief, economic struggles, or the debilitating effects of long COVID. Similarly, in everyday life, certain jobs are undeniably more stressful than others, be they physically burdening or inadequately paid. Those lucky enough not to face these conditions, or who have been fortunate enough not to be profoundly and personally affected by the pandemic, need to recognise their catastrophising of their own circumstances and the false victimhood that can accompany it.
Brendan suggests that the key way to do this is to ‘be grateful for what you've got, and not be striving for something else all the time’. Another key source of stress for many derives from comparing yourself to others. However, many athletes pride themselves not on the accomplishment of world record titles which are almost impossible to achieve, but on the repeated triumph over their own former personal bests. Similarly, doing your personal best every day is the best that you can do. Envisioning yourself in competition with others will inevitably result in unneeded stress, as your ultimate competitor should always be your own former self.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“I occasionally find it stressful if you run out of a plan... You must work hard to re-engage your vision and focus on what you're trying to achieve, whether it's longer term or short term… Once I've got the plan going again, then the stress tends to disappear.”
“Over the last year or so, many people have assumed that they're somehow victims of this, when in fact, the effect is all the same… We've all missed socializing with friends, or traveling on holiday or whatever. It isn't unfair to a particular individual. It's just been a bit miserable for everybody. Whenever I have a down moment, or whenever I'm feeling fed up or depressed, what I've learned over the years is I've got to change my situation. And I can take control of that.”
‘If you’re just distracting yourself from the problem, you're not solving the problem.’
“You can't do better than a personal best every day. I've always been struck by that personal best cliché. You know, if you're constantly striving to do your best, your competition is you, not anybody else. I never feel competitive against other people.”
Resources
PIB Insurance Group: https://www.pib-insurance.com/
About the Guest
Brendan McManus is the CEO of PIB Insurance Group, which he started in 2015, and which has since acquired forty businesses, and amassed 2,500 employees across the globe. He has worked in the insurance industry for 42 years, and has run several successful businesses over the past two decades.
Brendan’s LinkedIn Profile: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/brendan-mcmanus-05432a7
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection | LinkedIn
Sarah Myerscough - Sales & Marketing Director - Boston Tullis | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Wednesday Jan 05, 2022
030: The Power of Singing with Claire Benson
Wednesday Jan 05, 2022
Wednesday Jan 05, 2022
Are you keen to make genuine progress in your mental health journey, but finding conventional routes to doing so unsatisfactory? You are not alone in this. Many of us find that traditional methods of mental health support and wellbeing practices fail to provide any significant change in our everyday lives. This doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, or that your feelings are invalid. Perhaps, you simply are yet to find the method that will best help you to cope with the extremities and uncertainties of the modern world.
In this episode, we’re thrilled to be speaking with Claire Benson, a Manchester-based mental health campaigner, about how singing has proven highly beneficial in her personal journey, and how she is using it to help others with theirs. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, she discusses the importance of finding a practical means by which you can take control of your mental health and actively progress through your struggles.
Quote of the Episode
‘When I joined choir, it was like, I've been asleep for 100 years. And singing has woken me up and given me the confidence to be able to talk about my own mental health.’
Throughout the episode, Claire emphasises the immense importance of locating a specific method by which you can feel empowered to talk about your mental health. She found singing to be profoundly beneficial in her personal life – the simple act of singing boosts her everyday wellbeing, and through her choir, she found a community with whom she felt safe and empowered to discuss her struggles. Singing may or may not carry the same benefits for you – but there will be an activity out there that does, be it running, cycling, writing, painting, performing yoga, just to name a few!
Key Takeaways
Whether we like to admit it or not, all of us like to sing when we are alone. It lifts our spirits, enabling to express ourselves in a uniquely powerful way. Singing can be profoundly beneficial both as an individual exercise or as part of a communal activity.
Even if singing isn’t for you, there are a vast array of different activities you can get involved with which are accompanied by significant mental health benefits. In building these practices into our daily lives, whatever they may be, you will gradually develop a sense of power over your mental health, rather than letting it control you.
Sharing matters. The self-expression that accompanies singing, along with painting, writing, many forms of exercise, and more, can also act as a form of self-acceptance, and provide a guidance through whatever struggles you may be enduring at a given time. Such struggles have been particularly intensified throughout our collective experience of COVID-19, which has separated us from our loved ones, forcing us to perform these beloved activities alone. Now, more than ever, the importance of maintaining a sense of connection with others (even if it is through digital means) is extremely important. For example, Claire’s choir, Bee Vocal, continued its rehearsals throughout the pandemic via Zoom, providing its members the same benefits of communal self-expression despite their digital separation.
Thus, through singing, and many other self-expressive activities, you can engage in the human connection which is integral to our lives, both with your inner self and with others in a community.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“When we did our ‘Raise Your Voice’, we had a lady that said, ‘It's like wearing a coat: you have your job, and then you have another coat as mum and then you have another coat as wife and as a daughter and an auntie and a housemaid and cook, and there's only so many coats that you can wear before you're actually weighed down and you can't go anywhere.”
“It could be as simple as running a bath, it could be as simple as going out for a walk, having that five-minute cup of coffee to yourself, and just turning off your brain for those five minutes of being clear, of just being Sarah, just forgetting everything else. And for me, singing is the thing that does that.”
‘Singing is like meditation because you're, you're, you're focusing your mind and you're using your breath.’
‘Singing is like breathing like breathing air for me.’
Resources
Claire Benson – Butterfly Effect: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_dnvvksh2c&t=17s&ab_channel=Deloitte
ITV News – Bee Vocal: mental health support choir going from strength to strength: https://www.itv.com/news/granada/update/2018-09-28/bee-vocal-mental-health-support-choir-going-from-strength-to-strength/
Papyrus – Just One More Step by Claire Benson: https://www.papyrus-uk.org/just-one-more-step/
Mental Health Choir ‘Bee Vocal’ Perform ‘The Wall in My Head’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=S1CIBHLgk1M&ab_channel=TheChoirProjectMCR
ITV News: The choir that’s turned to online rehearsals during the coronavirus pandemic: https://www.itv.com/news/granada/2020-04-20/the-choir-that-s-turned-to-online-rehearsals-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic
This Is Me – Deloitte North West edition: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=rI3mzVpTKFU&ab_channel=DeloitteUK
Buzz Manchester – Introducing Guest Blogger Claire Benson: https://buzzmanchester.co.uk/blog/2020/introducing-guest-blogger-claire-benson
About the Guest
Claire Benson is a multi-talented mental health campaigner and radio presenter who in October 2019 organised an event called Raise Your Voice, which aimed to unite people who weren’t typically inclined to speak about their mental health to express themselves through singing and poetry, and was attended by over 100 women and men. Claire also works as an Office Manager and hosts a show on Radio Northenden.
Claire’s LinkedIn Profile: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/claire-benson-64575a196?trk=people-guest_people_search-card
Follow Claire on Twitter: https://twitter.com/castlefield1642
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Wednesday Dec 22, 2021
Wednesday Dec 22, 2021
With perhaps more clarity than any other major world event in recent memory, our collective experience of COVID-19 in the past 18 months has demonstrated that the future is never predictable. Certain curveball events will inevitably manifest, and completely sweep aside our plans and aspirations, forcing us to reorient ourselves and our focuses. How do you respond to the unsettling sense of uncertainty that accompanies this revelation? What practical tools can you implement in your daily life to ensure that you are not completely destabilised when the uncertain strikes again?
We’re very pleased to be speaking with Martin Robert Hall, a mindset and leadership coach with a keen interest in the driving factors behind success and high performance, the problem of uncertainty and how we can deal with it. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, he highlights the profound value of establishing clear goals with which to visualise our future success, and around which we can orient our focus. Listen to how, in setting such goals, you can undertake tasks in your daily life with a sense unyielding drive, all in pursuit of an achievement either in your own personal development, in your work, or in your mental and/or physical health.
Quote of the Episode
‘One of the things which business [leaders] can learn from sport is that within sport, you've often got very clear goals and deadlines.’
Martin suggests that we can learn from sport in many facets of our lives, namely in business and in the personal aspirations we set for ourselves. He explains that athletes have clear goals and definitive deadlines to adhere to. He offers the example of Carly Tait, a woman born with cerebral palsy who, after being inspired by the 2012 Paralympic Games, dedicated herself to reaching the wheelchair race final at the 2016 Games, and she succeeded. Martin attributes this to the fact that she had a fixed moment in time to aspire towards, and she could easily visualise that event. She had a clear, tangible goal, and this gave her a sense of certainty which negated the innumerable uncertainties of the world. Thus, developing clear goals and sticking to them can create feelings of confidence and control, consequently producing motivation and drive.
Key Takeaways
In conjunction with setting clear, tangible goals, it is also important to visualise exactly what it is you wish to achieve. In doing so, you will begin to think about your goals not as hypothetical possibilities, but achievable certainties. Whether these goals are actually achieved or not is somewhat irrelevant; merely conceptualising them will give you the motivational tools necessary for manifesting success and becoming a better version of yourself.
However, how do we retain that sense of focus, when there are so many things occurring in our lives simultaneously. We might have such goals in mind, but how do we ensure that they don’t become lost in the quagmire of all our other activities and responsibilities?
Martin argues that you should take a step back to assess yourself and your goals. Consider whether they truly align with your personal values, and if you are giving yourself enough time to actualise them. Sometimes, you may discover that a goal no longer aligns with your values, or perhaps it never did, but you have only just understood why you were unable to truly manifest it. It’s okay to let these things go; you will only hold yourself back by juggling multiple different ideal versions of yourself simultaneously, some of which may contradict one another.
A significant contributing factor to our success revolves around how we explain events to ourselves. Martin suggests that we should endeavour to become our own inner coach. Occasionally, external events or circumstances may curtail our progress or success. We should attribute these things not to a failure in our performance, but to the uncertainties of the wider world, which we are not responsible for and have no control over. Yet, even with the most positive attitude and an immense amount of self-belief, you can still fail, or perform underwhelmingly. However, this does not define you; what matters is how you respond to such setbacks.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
‘As the last 18 months has taught us, there's a lot of uncertainty in the world. But uncertainty has always been present.’
“Without that clarity, we can get lost in the challenges or the uncertainties or the things that go wrong, especially when events happen. global events like the pandemic over the last 18 months, you know, and those things we can't account for, we can't predict, they can come out of nowhere. But the people I've worked with during that period, the ones that have coped the best with it, have within the confinements of what's in their control during that time, they have created clear goals and a clear pathway for what they're going to do.”
“Our body gives us signs. My coaching philosophy is very much that people have all the answers that they need within themselves. And people's potential is about tapping into that, understanding ourselves more, and learning to listen to our intuition.”
“I like to give the analogy often that the brain is like a muscle. And if you want to train your muscles to be stronger, to be more resilient, you go to the gym. And what you do essentially is you break them down, you put a huge resistance against them. It's the same with our mind. Without challenges, we cannot build that resilience.”
“Everyone has that inner critic, but we can develop and turn the volume up on our inner coach, it takes a bit of practice, but everything does. But when once we do that, we're laying the foundations then to build resilience; to be more resilient; to handle setbacks; to handle uncertainty.”
Resources
Coffee, Calm & Connection, Episode 3: You are not a computer – with Azi Berzengi https://coffeecalmconnection.podbean.com/e/ccc-azi-berzengi/
University of Glasgow – Flexible Optimism: https://www.psy.gla.ac.uk/~steve/courses/archive/Pos09-10-safari-archive/Optimism/webarchive-index.html
Martin Seligman, The New Era of Positive Psychology: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FBxfd7DL3E&ab_channel=TED
Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin Seligman
https://www.martinroberthall.co.uk/
Optimise Yourself: ‘To Be the Best You Can Be’ by Martin Robert Hall
About the Guest
After gaining a degree in Sport Science, Martin Robert Hall became interested in why some people fulfil their talent and others squander it. After working in sales for a few years, he started his own coaching company, working with business leaders and with elite athletes and coaches, helping them to perform at their best and to understand the psychology of what drives high performance.
About the Host
Sarah Myerscough is the Sales and Marketing Director of Boston Tullis Group and the M.D and creator of Coffee, Calm and Connection.
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
Coffee Calm & Connection: Overview | LinkedIn
Hosted by Sarah Myerscough
DISCLAIMER
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence.
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)
Thursday Dec 09, 2021
028: A journey of self-improvement with Sandra Lewin
Thursday Dec 09, 2021
Thursday Dec 09, 2021
Are you keen to begin your journey of self-improvement, but unsure of where to start? Are you struggling to identify the type of person you wish to be and to set tangible, achievable goals towards this end?
In this unique episode, we’re very pleased to be speaking with mindset coach Sandra Lewin. Throughout the episode, Sandra conducts a coaching session with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough as her subject! Throughout, we gain insights into the nature of coaching sessions, and about the progression of Sandra's own journey of self-discovery. Sandra offers an array of helpful tips for building confidence in ourselves and mitigating the guilts and anxieties which many of us can identify with.
Quote of the Episode
‘'One of the ways to see where the anxiety is coming from, and where the guilt is coming from is actually going back to the core of ‘am I comfortable with me?'’’
''Many of our anxieties and feelings of guilt are derived from an uncertainty as to who we are and whether we feel comfortable in our own skin. We often spend so much time concerning ourselves with how we imagine other people perceive us that we don’t always take the time to look at ourselves and consider, am I comfortable with myself?''
Key Takeaways
A key cause of dissatisfaction with oneself can be attributed to the expectations we set for ourselves, and fail to meet. When setting goals for ourselves, we often employ a rhetoric of ‘should’. This is problematic in two respects. Firstly, due to its hypothetical nature, it is built with the possibility of failure or relapse, it contains an acknowledgement or acceptance that you will not be able to adhere to it.
Additionally, it is rooted in logic rather than desire. The things we ostensibly ‘should’ do tend not to match up with those which we ‘want’ to do. In attempting to improve yourself, you should prioritise practices that emotionally engage you and provide you with enjoyment. Thus, you will begin to feel the positive impact of their implementation immediately, and you will not want to stop them.
This principle can also be valuable when we experience feelings related to impostor syndrome. Many of us have a tendency to put labels on ourselves about the type of person we are, which can lead to profound disappointment and frustration when we do not live up to this aspirational notion.
If you are struggling to find focus in your life and to truly identify the changes you wish to make in yourself, speaking to a professional coach may be beneficial.
Best Moments/Key Quotes
“You take mindfulness, you read a book and you're like, okay, unless I'm a guru as of tomorrow it’s like, what's the point? So, it becomes yet another task, another overwhelming thing, which is counterproductive to what is supposed to be doing.”
‘'Rather than leading with logic and to do of all of these things, if you lead with emotion, positive emotion, interest and enjoyment, just perhaps the other stuff will come in.’'
“Do not try to change 100 things at the same time… Pick one or two.”
Resources
Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers, by Lois P. Frankel
Talking to the Wild: The Bedtime Stories We Never Knew We Needed, by Becky Hemsley
About the Guest
Having previously worked in the insurance industry, in 2020, Sandra set up her own business, Pair2Grow, a coaching service combining expertise in coaching, mindfulness and project management.
Sandra’s LinkedIn Profile: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/sandralewin
Connect with Sarah
https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/
https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection
https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/
Website: Coffee Calm & Connection (coffeecalmconnection.org)