023: Forming New Habits for Happiness with Laura DiBenedetto

Do you find that when you achieve a goal, a sense of deep dissatisfaction sets in soon afterwards? Do you constantly compare yourself to others, and yearn to replicate their happiness in your own life? Are you hyper-critical of yourself no matter what you do?

In this episode of the Coffee, Calm & Connection podcast, we’re very excited to be speaking with Laura DiBenedetto, the bestselling author of ‘The Six Habits’, about why so many of us feel discontent with ourselves, even when we achieve our goals. Laura attributes this to the habitual thoughts that many of us share, which are overwhelmingly geared towards the negative, perpetually berating you for your self-perceived failures with little respite. In conversation with Coffee, Calm & Connection’s Sarah Myerscough, she explains how we can reorient our minds by forming new, positive habits which can make you calmer, kinder to yourself, and cultivate inner fulfilment.

 

Quote of the Episode

“I know lots of accomplished people who are miserable. I know lots of fulfilled people who have all different kinds of accomplishment, and it doesn't matter.”

After we achieve a goal, be it an important presentation or running a marathon, many of us feel utterly deflated. Soon afterwards, we attempt to replace that goal with a new one, so that we can achieve the momentary happiness that success brings. Laura DiBenedetto argues that there is a monumental difference between superficial achievement and genuine contentment. The former is entirely irrelevant to the latter. The goals we set ourselves in life, in themselves, cannot make us happy. They may provide a temporary rush of satisfaction, but that is fleeting, and will soon give way to negative thoughts, frustration, and unhappiness. This is a vicious cycle, which can eventually lead to burnout, or indeed, depression. To achieve the contentment we all yearn for, we need to assess our internal drivers, and try to motivate ourselves with positivity and kindness, rather than the fear of failure.

 

Key Takeaways

To begin the journey towards happiness and fulfilment, we need to make a conscious choice to focus on the positive things that surround us. The human mind produces between 50-60,000 thoughts per day. However, a significant proportion of these thoughts are repeated from the previous day, and a considerable percentage of those thoughts are negative. We carry the baggage of our self-perceived failures with ourselves wherever we go, and through whatever we do. It is impossible to relinquish these thoughts altogether. However, by actively forming a habit of being kind to oneself, treating one’s ideas and feelings with respect, and accepting former failures, one will begin to experience more inner peace and joy.

The mind is fuelled by certain habitual processes and thoughts that motivate our actions and determine our emotions and responses to different stimuli. Laura DiBenedetto argues that many of these habits are detrimental to our potential contentment, and that to achieve it, they must be superseded by new habits which can create a happier, healthier lifestyle. Coffee, Calm & Connection operates under a similar principle. By providing easy, five-minute-a-day courses in meditative and mindful practices, it can help you to zone in on certain aspects of your inner monologue which are curtailing your contentment.

Each and every one of us has the right to be happy, but we are deeply reluctant to initiate the process of living a better life, as it demands that you be vulnerable with yourself and, indeed, with others. The best way to turn your self-flagellation into self-approbation is by actively making a habit out of being kind to yourself, by recognising when you are not, and the impact this has on your daily life.

Best Moments/Key Quotes

‘If you change the quality of your thoughts and develop a new mental habit, in six key areas, you can change your life.’

“What do happy people have in common? What is it that really makes people happy? And what did I miss? I've read all these books over the years, and I've done all these things, and that wasn't it. You know, like, you could be as thin as you want, you can have all the money you want, but if you're still unhappy, then it's probably because you're missing something.”

“It wasn't like stuff like yoga, I love yoga, by the way, it wasn't even church, and I love church. It wasn't like, you know, eating your veggies, or going to the gym, or having a lot of money and all those things. They're nice, but they give you a great temporary high, but then you're just left with yourself when the novelty wears off.”

“High achievement is not fulfilment. They are different things, and living a life of genuine happiness is one that is fulfilled. When you're constantly just chasing the next apex, and like the next huge accomplishment, it's very exhausting, particularly when you do it from a place of constantly beating yourself to get there, versus inspiring yourself to get there. You can still be a high achiever. But when it comes from a place of joy, it's easier. You don't have to try as hard.”

Resources

The Six Habits: Practical Tools for Bringing Your Dreams to Life by Laura DiBenedetto

TedX - The Six Habits of the Happiest People by Laura DiBenedetto - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rYes2CHFIM&ab_channel=TEDxTalks

https://www.thesixhabits.com/

https://lauradibenedetto.com/

 

About the Guest

Laura DiBenedetto is the bestselling author of The Six Habits, a TEDx speaker and ‘America’s Happiness Coach’. She is also the CEO of Vision Advertising, which focuses on social media and digital marketing.

Laura’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lldibenedetto

Contact Laura: inquiries@lauradibenedetto.com

 

Connect with Sarah 

https://www.instagram.com/coffeecalmconnection/ 

https://www.facebook.com/coffeecalmconnection 

https://www.linkedin.com/company/70927508/admin/ 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmyerscough/ 

 

HOSTED BY: Sarah Myerscough 

 
DISCLAIMER 

The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to the host and guest speakers. Please conduct your own due diligence. 

   

Website: www.coffeecalmconnection.org